Saturday, August 23, 2008

Feeling Down

I haven't really been in the mood to blog much lately. I've been feeling down in the dumps. I haven't really had much content to blog and I haven't really been taking many pictures. I think I usually whip out my camera when I get excited and happy about something...but lately I just haven't been genuinely happy. I've been debating whether or not I should even continue with my blog. I've actually been receiving some pretty harsh comments lately. I know that it should be expected since my blog is public and everyone is entitled to their opinion - not everyone's a fan. I've had bad comments before and it's never really bothered me, but since my passion for blogging is dwindling the comments definitely aren't helping.

Just when it seems that everything is going your way, life as you know it has it's own unexpected way of changing the very world you've gotten used to. Just like I always say, "life is random". There's ups, downs, uncertainty, and catch 22's. In my life, it seems to all come at me at once. I've always thought that god (or some higher power) puts us all on this very steep hill called Life. He tells us that we are to get to the very top of the hill. What he neglects to tell us is that along the way he'll be hurling giant boulders at us. Some of us seem to get bigger ones than others.

I don't want to get into too much detail as there are some things that I have trouble expressing openly. Yes, this is my "digital diary", but it's very rare that I even open up to any of my close friends. I usually keep everything boggle up and to myself.

I am very sincere when I use the words "love" and "trust". I only trust my deep inner emotions with people I truly love. Unfortunately, sometimes the people we love do something to lose our trust. Don't worry, I'm not referring to Pooh. But I have lost a friend that I genuinely loved and will never trust again.

Me'shell Ndegéocello - Fool of Me

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi bro,

just ignore all the negative things that you read here.whats important is what makes you happy. people will always have something to say whether we do good or bad. just enjoy life as it is..as you say LIFE IS RANDOM..enjoy every moment. You've got more online friends who believe in you than those foolish ones...ENJOY! LIFE IS RANDOM.

Take Care

Baby Ron

Anonymous said...

Hi Bro,

Take care...
Life is full of lots up and down...
be strong

Anonymous said...

hey tigz,

i read your blog for these kinda posts, ones from the heart.

people will always try and get you down. it's really true what they say though 'people doing these things are just trying to compensate for their own insecurities', fuck them. there are definately people who appreciate and love you in life, just focus on that. as a guy, i rekon it's harder for us to emotionally speak out. maybe it's some macho thing or what ever but things are never 'kept' in forever. i hope you get your deseved avenue to vent.

much thought,
uniguy from aus.

Ande "ahnday" said...

"People are just haters"..lol...people will always talk and create some BS in your life, I say you should be thankful that they are even taking the time out to talk about you. When I worked at the gayest place on earth (Disneyland) .. everyone talked about me...I made it known that it was cool to talk about me, all they had to was make it juicy...hahahahaha ha ha. All i say is you do what you gotta do...these people dont pay your bills! okay well I hope it makes sense....KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.

Ande "ahnday" said...

oops for errors....but yeah...I actually made alot friends @ Disney by telling people that! theres going to be haters everywhere you go. ALL THAT MATTERS IS HAPPINESS!

Hazen said...

Tiggs,

Life sometimes comes with acorns, honey and thistles, some of the few things you don't eat LOL. But there are lots of other good things to eat. You can focus on the good things. After all you live in Hundred Acre Wood, and maybe one to two acres might be sad (like Eeyore's Gloomy Place: Rather Boggy and Sad), but most of the place is rather sunny and bright.

The only reason you would stop blogging is to punish yourself for not being perfect. You are still too young to realize just how perfect and talented you are!

It hurts when someone we love is deceitful, but that hurt will pass.

Negative and positive comments are both ok. Its when there are no comments at all that there is a problem.

Your blog is awesome, just like you.

Hazen

osshiengirl83 said...

just ignore all those unnecessary comments from those people who don’t know who u are. U are for what u are…just think that they are jealous of u n pooh…they just wanna bring u down…and u know u cannot let them win…NEVER!!!if silent is the best solution, then stay silent and if u have to say it out, make sure u say it out loud n clear…what the hell do they know about u until they dare to mock u like that…at least to me u are brave enough to let other people know about ur self n not like some people out there who still hiding in the closet and try to figure out who they are…

for those people…if u don’t even dare to admit what ever u hiding behind the closet…then don’t ever think to say harsh words about other people…to me…such people who just still cant accept what’s going on with their life try to vent all the blame on others…what a loser!!! Grow up and learn to respect others please!!!

as for the friend that u have lost…sorry to hear that…I hope deep down inside u still can learn to trust people again…but that time don’t put too much trust on that person…hope u understand what I mean….we need it in order to protect our self from hurting again…I know and I’m definitely sure that u will stay strong and manage to over come this soon…

take care.

Christopher said...

Do what is best for you...

... but don't give up in the light of life's challenges. There will always be things that stand in your way, whether it be people, money, relationships, etc. If you give up, you let them win.

Sometimes I feel that way too, but then I look around and realize that there is a lot of good in my life -- I have a wonderful boyfriend, a roof over my head and food to eat... and a nice car ;) haha. It's hard for me to feel down when someone loves me, y'know?

So if you need to take a break, or discontinue your blog... we'll understand.

- christopher

Anonymous said...

One thing I've learned in life is that in order to appreciate all the good things that happen in life, you have to have bad things happen. You don't take things for granted that way.
As you get older you are going to find that most friends drop out of you life. People grow apart, move on, or just don't have the same amount of time to devote to friendships. You will not need as many friends as you have right now and your circle will start to get smaller.

Yue said...

Life sucks sometimes I should know I also keep things boggle up and some time it gets to be to much. That's why I write about them. I'm not talking about blogging. A reguler old diary I use it when life is to much. It also help me say things that I don't want anyone else to know about. Sometimes life is sad. Other times it the happiest moment their is. Just remember to live life to the fullest. Like the old master said in Kung fu Panda (yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift that why it called the present.) Hope thing go well.

Anonymous said...

It is hard to believe that someone could betray you. You have shared so much with us, your readers, and I am sure we all agree that you are very special. To share your life. Your body and your most personal thoughts. Is very generous. If you are half the person you share with us, you are truly amazing and full of passion. Those who are closest to you generally never see it. You are wonderful and don't forget it.

MS said...

Hey,

Just a message to tell ya you should not care about the bad comment. People telling shit aim to make you down, don't let them win so easily, you worth more than this tiggah!

You seem genuinely good... That's why I keep on readig your blog, so keep blogging ahah.

http://mickaelsurtour.com/blog

Gomez Patchouly said...

Everyone's life is totally random, and that is what gives it so much meaning. You, the original randomator, are certainly no different. Take it from me, maintaining a blog is truly hard work, and can leave you with a feeling of being under appreciated. But what is a blog if not a very personal exploration of certain aspects of your life? Take a break. We, your fans, are not going anyway. We'll still be here when you do another post. We're here for you...and Pooh, of course. And if you decide to stop blogging altogether, we'll still have all the wonderful treasures you've given us in your archives. Stay happy, as happiness is the most random thing of all.

Greg said...

Tiggah -

Reading your blog and getting a small glimpse of your life brightens my evenings every time i get to see a new post. I just wish I could brighten your life, since it seems like you need it. Your funk has lasted a while it seems - I see a post like this one every few weeks. I hope you get at whatever it is inside of you that is sapping your strength. When you do, no matter what boulders come down the hill - they can't stop you!!!

-greg

Quarkinator said...

It doesn't mean that you have to share everything about your life just because you have a digital diary guy. :)

I keep a number of my posts just to myself. It might help you think things through.

Good luck.

Jus said...

hey... this is the first time ive ever left a comment,

just wanted to say that your blog has inspired me to work out, try new foods, and even get into hip hop dance.

closing this blog would be a true loss to the countless others that you have helped. keep up to good work.

anon said...

no!! don't get down.. i love your blog too much to be shut down! ignore the stupid comments and just be YOU!! i'll like to meet those one talking bad to you and sugget they go to hell and stop reading your blog if they have anything bad to say about it!. and also I know the feeling of losing trust. It so bad, especially if there a threat that what you may have told in trust to that person is now in jeopardy to be released

Anonymous said...

"and who told you that life is fair"... these are the words of my friends whenever i feel down with what life brings me.. but i know that you are a fighter brother.. because you have the blood of a fighter... the filipino blood.. all these things will past bro .. be not afraid and be strong...

-your silent fan-

Anonymous said...

Hey tig,

ignore those fools that spoil your days. They just want some attentions. Do what you want and how you want. This blog is yours! If they're so concerned/traumatized by it then its their prob! Dont let his prob become your prob! Cheers =)!

Matthew Andrew said...

your blog inspires

milo said...

i love tiggah! (:
(and pooh of course)

Chris. said...

Hey Tigz,

I've been reading your blog for I don't know how long now. I just wanted to say that the negative comments get you down, I know how that is. I get negative comments on my youtube and it really pisses me off sometimes, because they are never constructive. I hope you don't stop because I've learned a lot about myself through you, if that makes any since. I haven't been responsible enough as a I guess fan of yours to say how much I love your blog and your posts. You are an interesting person, and I'm glad that you are comfortable enough with yourself to share yourself with this weird internet world.

Anonymous said...

hey,you make me envious.. you're open and out there and you make life feel easier for us.. dont let this negativity affect you.. i'm sure there are ups and downs, but just stay tough, and maybe take a few days to just relax with pooh. you've got talent, you are passionate and like it or not, you're really cute.. and the world needs more ppl like you.. yeah i have also lost trust in ppl and that sucks, but it'll make you rethink your believes. God might be telling you to press the restart button so that you might just preform better in the future.. anyway, i know i'm saying loads of nonsense right now, but if i could trade places with you right now, i'd be the luckiest person alive.. so suck it up, be positive, and just lose all that bad aura aight..

cheers tiggah..

jaymes said...

Hey Tiggah,

I read your post and it really hit a chord with me personally. I am going through something similiar with a very long time friend of many years. I always considered him one of my closet friends and someone I could confine in and it was safe. But very recently after a couple of things that happened I had to tell him we could not be friends anymore. Once you lose that trust for someone you can never get it back. Things I had trusted to him were used against me by him. It was about the toughest thing I think I have ever done. It is like he has died and I am grieving his loss. I know that in awhile it will be better but tha empty space in me that my friend onced fill will be empty.
If you are thinking of shutting down your blog, I hope you would wait unil some of the pain from your situation passes. I was introduced to you and Pooh by Moody and I so enjoy your blog and your and Pooh's adventures. I think it is a really wonderful thing you do for the hundreds of guys who ready your blog and see that a fun full life is out there for them as Gay men. I know I would miss it terribly.
I have learned that when you do put yourself out there and be honest about who you are,there will be those who will send harsh remarks because they are jealous that they themselves can't be out and open. Try not to let them get to you,just realze where their harsh remarks are coming from.
Take care my friend, better times are on their way to you.

Your biggest fan in Los Angeles,
Jaymes

Anonymous said...

close down your blog and i will hunt you down, wherever you are and drag you back to your laptop!!!!!ya hear me?!!!!!

dillaboi6 said...

I would hate to see you stop blogging as yours is one of my favs!!
Don't let the assholes get to you!
I always try to remember that "this too shall pass."

badpapinyc said...

If you are getting a lot of harsh comments from people who like to pull you down. Then there is only one thing that you are now: FAMOUS!

I say, fuckit! let the haters die with envy.

Just continue what you are doing. Do not let your real supporters down by not continuing your blog.

Anyway, hope to meet you guys when I visit san diego again. I used to live there in Hillcrest many years ago, post university (early 90's). Glad to see that Richs is still around. Too many memories....

JamesUk said...

if you need to give up it's understandable - just want you to know I look into here and enjoy what you do. I came over from Moody's when he gave up his blog -if you do go please know that I ewnjoyed it and wish you both the best

Anonymous said...

Pre,
Just blog when you feel like it! Don't let it be something forced out from you or mandatory because it will really wear you down. Make it something more of a past time you can enjoy. And to hell with everyone that brings you down. It's your life. Live it as you want.

Keks said...

Thank you for being an inspiration to me. Keep it up! God Bless! (n_n)

Anonymous said...

Hey Tiggz, been a reader of this blog for while but I stopped due to RL issues. Anyway, I saw this friendster account and I think I just caught a posser: http://profiles.friendster.com/50611118

Regardless, its your call whatever you want to do with this guy... or is this you?... hehe... OFC NOT!

Kiro said...

These downtimes make our lives more exciting. I know it sounds wierd but I'm trying to embrace them and learning to cope with it. At this time, we're in a similar situation but mine's going on for a while now (almost a year). Like you, I'm also an artist, a natural one and very sensitive. Also like you, I'd rather keep it to myself to the point of reclusion. At least you have this blog as your outlet and are luckier to have many supporters. For every predicament I encounter, I just analyze and focus on the lessons I'll learn from it. Overtime, I've learned to be strong and emerged a winner. Whatever you're going through right now, remember it's temporary and like a nasty weather will always be followed by sunshine. Consistent with your tag line, life in random and that's what make this life interesting. God bless.

ethan[ol] said...

Ei?! I hope you'll soon get your happy mood and enthusiasm for blogging again. I've been tracking your posts and enjoyed it. Don't let destructive comments tear you down. Enjoy! :-)

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